The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
