I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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