My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
