I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
