I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
