apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
