we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
