I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
