Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
