So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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