This girl is more easily done than said...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
zippers are such a cool invention
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
