Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
