Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
