1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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