Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
