i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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