I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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