so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And then my night got REAL pukey
My vagina is officially offended.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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