she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
