Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
