so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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