Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I intend to get homeless drunk
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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