I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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