Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
This is classic penis vs brain.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
