It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
