the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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