the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
