a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
