I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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