Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
