Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
