My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize