It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
