Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
