My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
