Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
