i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
