I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
