Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
