So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
They took my balls.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize