he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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