I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
one might say we're banned from that church
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize