Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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