4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
