went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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