walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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