im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
