i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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