i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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