she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize