ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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