She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
