Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
