dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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