just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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