So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
