im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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