Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
