if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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