plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You need Xanax blowdarts
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
