the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
