i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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