dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
