We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
