I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
