You're completely useless in the revolution.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Randomize