Nicole vs. Life
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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