Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
