it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
